Tag: mental-health

Hey! We survived 2025

I make a family calendar every December for the coming year, using pictures from the year that’s ending. It’s a fun way to look back over the previous year and remember ‘where we were’ each month of the year. I just finished our 2026 calendar, and boy what a year it has been! On the personal front, we moved into our new-construction home this year, which felt like arrival for us after living in an apartment since our move back from Louisiana to Upstate NY in June 2023. We also attended three protests, something I hadn’t done since college in the mid-90s.

The New York Times had a 2025 retrospective this week that had a pic/event for each day of each month of this year so far, and it was a reminder of just how much cascading and crashing news there has been, one thing after another, and how emotionally exhausting it has all been. Since January this year has gotten darker and darker in this country, but we survived. We persisted. We pushed back, we protested, we took up space, we said NO. Things finally feel like they’re at a turning point out there, but I can’t help but think that it will still get darker before it’s all over. How will we view 2025 when we look back on it 5-10 years from now? Will it be the year we began to sign our democracy away to the highest bidder? Will 2026 be the year the Talibangelical fascists took over? Or will we all finally come to our senses as prices climb higher and higher, wages stagnate, and people die from lack of health insurance? Where will we draw the line and say ‘enough’ with the cosplay, the emperor has no clothes, off with their heads, etc?

How it will end is as-yet unclear, and I think we probably need a revolution in terms of freedom–I mean corporations have more freedom and protections than individual humans as of right now, and to me, that is the key issue underlying all issues. We may never get back to the type of reality we had pre-2016; I hope we all emerge stronger and empowered on the other side of all of this. Frankly, I don’t have a lot of hope left for humanity. All I can do is focus on my own nuclear family as we try our best to get through it all together.

I have no way of knowing, but I’m pretty sure my MAGA-mother down in South Louisiana has doubled and tripled down on things, and likely remains loyal to Daddy Solipsist-Narcissist-Psychopath (I refuse to type the creature’s name here). My mother was never one to admit wrongdoing or misjudgement, so I’m sure she’s still towing the line. It’s likely she’s alienated even more family than just me by this point. Before I deleted my Facebook account back in August, there was a picture of her in full propaganda gear, hat and all. We all know these die-hards would rather burn it all down than admit wrongdoing. It won’t end well.

They know where to find you.

A meme crossed my path this week that said something to this effect. It was about healing from toxic relationships; the ‘they’ is of course the people who hurt you, and whom you have cut off. I realize now that taken out of context it sounds a tad threatening, but the sense behind it was something like, Don’t feel bad for continuing to be in No Contact, because they know where to find you if they were interested. But they’re not.

I officially went no-contact with my mother (and subsequently my entire family) back in May 2023 when we left Louisiana for a second and final time. I blocked her number as we were driving out of state, and haven’t looked back. These last couple of years I still bought gifts for my three nieces, and I texted my sister happy 40th birthday this year. But we don’t ‘talk.’

I have zero idea of what has befallen my mother or family since, have no idea what she says about me, or how she rationalizes my leaving to anyone who will listen. I can only imagine based on her past behavior. I realized about a year ago that I had forgotten to block her number on my daughter’s phone–and she left a message on her phone out of the blue, emphatically demanding that my then 12-year old daughter call her. Blocked. She will still send the occasional guilt-induced birthday or Christmas card my daughter’s way. Last year she sent her a check for Christmas, which I promptly tore up and threw away. We don’t need your guilty conscience money, lady, and we don’t need your stupid cards either.

The degree to which I am DONE with this woman shocks even me sometimes. But what this meme made me realize was, this isn’t all my fault, it was NEVER my fault, I made a choice going on three years ago now, and I haven’t looked back. Is it hard to explain to people who don’t know my past (and even to some who do)? Yes, of course it can be hard. Do I feel guilt, even a little bit, for shutting her out so completely? Actually, no, no I really don’t. It was a long time coming, and I am still healing and reeling from realizing that this shit was going on my entire life. Does that make me heartless? Maybe? But only when it comes to her.

Implicit in the meme was the following wisdom: If they wanted to, they would. Full stop. Stop waiting on people to make amends, to show interest, to reach out, because if they wanted to, they would. Thing is, I haven’t been waiting for anything, I have zero expectations when it comes to her, but the meme made me realize, she has my email address, my sister isn’t blocked by me. There are ways to reach out and apologize for her behavior. If she wanted to, she would.